As we travelled down a dirt road that would lead us to the Church, 2 men were waiting to offer their services as our guide for a small fee. The guidebook had told us to expect this and so we agreed. We had yet to see, the hill we would need to climb to get to the tracks, and still we were humbled as we looked at their shoes.
Tag Archives: parenting
In Search of Dinosaur Tracks
Today we headed to the town of Leribe, just 20 minutes by car from Mary’s home. We visited a shop that has beautiful weaving so made by people with developmental disabilities. Then we headed down the road another 20 minutes or so in search of dinosaur tracks. The guidebook tells us that there are many Lesothaurus tracks behind the Church, on a ledge that has fallen.
As we travelled down a dirt road that would lead us to the Church, 2 men were waiting to offer their services as our guide for a fee. The guidebook had told us to expect this and so we agreed. The fee seemed high, given that they were just leading us to the backyard of the Church. I was certain, we could find it on our own. And yet, one look at their clothing was all the encouragement we needed to employ their services. Their clothing was ragged. One of the men wore a pair of tennis shoes that were barely more than thin soles held together by the shoestrings. It was evident that the fee they were asking was necessary.
They lead us to the Church. As we walked behind the Church, I expected to see a large stone nearby with dinosaur tracks on it. I started looking at every large rock in the vicinity. The guides caught up with us and pointed up, up, up. p a steep hill were large overhanging ledges. This is where we would find our tracks.
We started to follow them up the hill. I made it about 5 to 10 minutes in when it became clear to all of us, that I was not going to make it up to the overhang. The respiratory infection had stopped me in my tracks. Mary insisted on staying with me, so she and I had wonderful Mother Daughter time, while the guys headed on up the hill. After they had been gone for 15 minutes, my breathing had slowed down. I decided to try again. I did not even make it 5 minutes, before my lungs began to burn and my breathing became labored. It is the first time in my life, that I was unable to do something physical that I had set my mind on doing.
I settled in to enjoy this blessed time alone with Mary. I took pictures of her and her beautiful pregnant belly. We laughed and talked and breathed in the preciousness of this time together.
The guys made it down and filled us in. Sam said it was the highlight of the trip for him so far. They showed us the pictures of the tracks. They were so grateful for the guides. They did not think they would have been able to find the tracks without their help. The fee that I originally considered charity, was in fact fair payment for a job well done.
Cultural Differences on Motherhood
Tonight Will, Sam, Mary, Paul and Sammy went to Paul’s parent’s for dinner. Sam and I stayed in bed. After dinner, Paul’s parents came back to the house to meet us. They said hello to Sam as he laid in bed. I got up and came out to the living room for a short visit.
Mary’s relationship with Paul’s parents as well as their relationship with Sammy has been confusing to me. When Mary and Paul got married, she was required to live with Paul’s parents for the first 3 months of their marriage to learn how to take care of Paul. This was confusing to me. Paul is a healthy young man. He does not have any special needs. Mary patiently told me that this is part of their culture.
When Mary got pregnant with Sammy, she was not allowed to live with Paul for the last trimester of her pregnancy, nor for the first few months after Sammy was born. It seems that there is a cultural belief that having sex during this time could cause the baby to become blind or disabled. Mary lived with her parents for the last trimester and then for the fist 2 months after the Sammy was born. After that she had to move into Paul’s parent’s home for a few months.
When I would ask her the baby’s name for a long time she would say that she did not know. It was Paul’s parents who would name him. I could not imagine this. In fact, Paul’s parents did give him his Basotho name and then Mary and Paul gave him his English name – Sammy.
Paul’s parents have as much and perhaps more say in the raising of Sammy as Mary does. He lives in their home during the week and comes home to Mary and Paul’s house on the weekends. They can come and get him whenever they want. This has been very confusing to me. Mary’s response is, “It is my culture.” Tonight as I sat with Paul’s parents, his mother pointed at Sammy and said, “That is my last born.” I thought my head was going to explode. That comment made no sense to me. Her last born? Wasn’t it Mary who was in labor for 2 days to give birth to that child? Wasn’t Sammy her child? I had a difficult time reminding myself that I was there to grow in my understanding of the culture, not to judge it.
A Day in Bed
Will entertains Sam after a long day recuperating.
My low grade fever upgraded to a fever of 101.5 in the middle of the night. Remarkably, I was able to text my dear friend and Doctor, Steve. He diagnosed me with a respiratory infection and suggested I take a specific antibiotic. I looked at the antibiotic that the travelers clinic had prescribed and gave him the name…nope. Not effective for respiratory infections. As I continued to text him, Niko found Will and Sam’s prescribed travelers medicines and there it was, the very antibiotic I needed! How incredible is that. I am half way around the world and I am able to text my doctor for $.50 and get a diagnosis and prescribed the medicine I need and just happen to have it with us. I started the antibiotic immediately in hopes that I will feel better within 24 hours and be able to explore the sites with Mary and Paul.
Sam woke up in the night with pains in his tummy and ran outside to vomit. This morning, we both woke up feeling miserable. And so, today, we are both spending the day resting.
Sam moved into Niko’s bed so that he could get some rest and so that we could keep each other company as the others went on with their day. Mary and Sammy left early this morning for school. Will and Niko slept in and then spent the afternoon at Mary’s school. Sam and I slept and read and slept some more.
Niko and Will came home and shared their stories with us. They were able to enjoy another performance of the incredible choir. I am disappointed that we missed going to the school. I especially am disappointed that I missed hearing the choir again. Their performance will be one of the highlights of our time in Maputsoe.
The Matrons
The matrons have a big job. There are 3 full time matrons who are with the children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They are the cooks, cleaners, and mothers to these 20 children.
Before we left Tacoma, the TLC board met with us and asked us if we would be “hygiene and sanitation experts” and do some work to encourage the matrons to use the new washing machine, to shower the kids instead of washing them in buckets and to encourage the children to use the toilets instead of using the ditch outside when they needed to relieve themselves.
After observing the matrons for many days, I sat down to have a meeting with them. Rethabile acted as my interpreter. I asked the women why they did not use the washing machine. They told me that they were just used to doing it by hand and did not want to use the machine. As I reflected on this, a light bulb went on. When the woman are hand washing the laundry it is a break from being with the children. It is a meditative task, a time that gives them a little space to themselves. Using the wash machine does not give this kind of break. You put the clothes in and turn on the knob and then are available to go right back in to caring for the children. As a mother, I know that those breaks are so important for maintaining ones sanity.
When I asked them about the showers, they told me that they wished that they had a bathtub, instead of a shower. The showers were too difficult to use with the small children. Of course they are! If you have 15 young children to shower, you will be completely drenched by the time you are done. Niko came up with a solution to this problem. He suggested that they get a shower head that is on the end of a long hose, so that it can be brought down to shower the little ones as they sit in the plastic bucket. Monies have been set aside and a plumber has been called to put this into place.
The Seed of a Dream is Planted
Thula Thula Game Reserve, South Africa
Kim, Mary, Sam and Niko 2010
St. Julianna, Founder of the St. Camillus Center
In 2004, I went to South Africa to study the AIDs pandemic with a delegation of 16 women from the United States. We spent 2 of our 16 days in South Africa on a game reserve. Upon returning my then 6 year old, Sam, who is an animal enthusiast, made me promise that I would not go back to Africa without him. I made that promise and set my intention to go back to South Africa with Sam and Niko one day and to spend time on at a game reserve.
In 2009, a young woman, Mary, came to Tacoma from Lesotho Africa to work in L’Arche for a year. We were her host family. Mary walked into our home and took up permanent residence in our hearts. She returned to Lesotho in the summer of 2010. By the summer of 2011, Mary had married her longtime boyfriend, Paul and she had given birth to their son. They named their son after her brother… Sammy. Our family’s dream to visit her and to meet Paul and our grandson, Sammy became more than a dream. It became a clear intention.
I served on the board of The Lesotho Connection for 3 years from 2006-2009. Lesotho is a small mountainous country surrounded by South Africa. One out of four children, in Lesotho, is orphaned by AIDs. A Holy Names, Besotho, nun named Sr. Julianna has devoted her life to caring for the orphaned children in Mohales Hoek, Lesotho. One of the goals of the Lesotho Connection has been to raise the funds needed to build a home for the orphaned and vulnerable children in Sr. Julianna’s Care. This dream was fulfilled and the children moved into their new home, the St. Camillus Center, in December of 2014. I wanted to see this center, which had been just a seedling of a dream when I was on the board and I wanted to spend time with Sr. Julianna and these beautiful children.
This dream of returning to Southern Africa, which started in 2004, continued to grow in me as our love for Mary developed, the St. Camillus Center was built and Sam grew into a young man. The dream expanded to include Sam’s best friend, Will, in this adventure. Sam and Will have been friends since birth. Their friendship has been nurtured by their deep loves of animals, music and community.
In the autumn of 2014, I felt a voice inside me say “The time is now! You must begin to prepare and plan to go to Southern Africa this upcoming summer.” It would be the summer before Sam’s junior year of high school and Will’s senior year. If we waited any longer, the opportunity for all of us to go together could be lost. And so we began to plan.
Lesotho Bound
This summer, I will spend 3 weeks in Lesotho, Africa with my husband, Niko, my 16 year old son, Sam and his best friend, Will. Our focus is 3 fold. First, to see our daughter of the heart and to meet her husband and 4 year old son. We were Mary’s host family for a year as she volunteered at L’Arche Tahoma Hope. She walked into our home and immediately was a part of our family. After Mary returned to Lesotho, she married her beloved, Paul and had a baby whom she named after her Tacoma brother, Sam. We are so excited to see Mary again and to meet our extended family in Lesotho. When I told Mary that we were coming to see her, she replied “I have prayed for this for so long. I never knew when it would happen and now it is happening.” Together we wept with joy. Mary has enlisted Sam and Will to teach in her classroom for 2 days that we are with her.
Secondly, we will spend 8 to 10 days at the St. Camillus Center. I was on the board of The Lesotho Connection(TLC), here in Tacoma for 3 years. TLC has recently completed a long time goal of building a new home for the St. Camillus Center. This home houses 20 children orphaned by AIDS. There are over 200,000 children orphaned by AIDS in Lesotho. This is roughly the population of Tacoma. We will spend our time serving in whatever way we can be most helpful to the center. Also, Sam and Will will use their talents in music to write a song with the children that we will record so that it can be used both by The Lesotho Connection and by the St. Camillus Center in their promotional materials.
Thirdly, we will spend 3 to 4 days at a game reserve in South Africa to take in the amazing animals of South Africa and to learn about conservation projects in place. Sam and Will have been animal enthusiasts from the start. Their love of animals has been one of the things that has nourished their deep friendship for the past 16 years.
Sam and Will have committed to paying for their airfare, spending money and time at the game reserves and to help raise funds for playground equipment and a sign for The St. Camillus Center. To fulfill this commitment they have created and are selling cards with their original artwork as well as selling my Umbutu tea. If you would like to support their efforts, you can purchase their items at Sam and Will’s Etsy Shop or you can check out their project updates on their fundraising page at Sam and Will’s You Caring Site
This is a trip of a lifetime, but it is more than that. As parent’s it is an opportunity to offer these young men an opportunity to have their image of themselves and their world expanded. It is an opportunity to allow and encourage them to steadily and faithfully work towards a goal and to bring it to fruition. It is an opportunity for them to share their gifts in a profound way and to have their gifts shaped in new and profound ways by the Lesotho people. This is a trip that will crack all of our hearts open, that will change us in ways we do not yet know, and that will imprint on our souls our place in the family of humanity.
Click the link below to watch this beautiful video about the St. Camillus Center:
The Art of Snuggling
This morning my son
Crawled into my bed
Wanting to snuggle
Before we started our day.
“Put down your book, Mom,
so we can snuggle.”
“I can read and we can snuggle, too.”
I replied.
I finished the last few pages of my book.
I put it down and turned off the light
And I snuggled in.
He was right.
A true snuggle requires my full presence.
As I let go of all distractions
And relaxed into this precious moment,
I became aware of the
delicious warmth of the child
curled up next to me,
The smell of his hair,
The sound of his breath
The deep sense of peace,
comfort and joy
Of being snuggled
Together.